Eish!!: Welcome to Cape Town!

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Welcome to Cape Town!

Submitted (but not composed) by guest blogger JustMe
Cape Town is a city on the coast of South Africa so called because the wearing of capes or cloaks is compulsory within the city limits. Founded by Batman on his way to Melbourne from Holland in 1652. Cape Town is also called "The mother city", believed to be due to the highly expressive vocabulary of the local dialect (in which the words "your mother" feature regularly) and the cheap and nasty (but potent) local wine A different school of thought believes the origin of the name lies in the fact that it takes 9 months to do anything in this sleepy hollow.

Cape Town is situated on a sandbar under Table Mountain (so called because unlike most mountains, it is flat) at the bottom end of Africa.

Cape Town became famous for petty crime such as rape,high jacking murder etc as well as the first successful heart transplant operation at its "Great Skewer" Hospital by Christian Barnyard.

Cape Town is neither as wealthy or as large as Johannesburg , so the inhabitants compensate with a superior attitude based on the claim that they were there first. Which none of them personally were, unless they are over 300 years old.

It is socially unacceptable for a Capetonian to talk to people that they have not previously talked to, which severely limits social interactions. If the opportunity should somehow present itself, a traditional Cape Town greeting is "Jou ma se xxxx", often abbreviated to "Jou ma", which means, roughly "Good day and good health to you and your good mother, sir!"

"Robin Island", in the bay, was named after Batman 's faithful sidekick. Later it was renamed "Robbin' Island" and used as a jail, like Alcatraz but with colder water around it and more sharks in it.

In spite of the revolution in 1994 severe social inequality still persists. Efforts to redress this historical imbalance are progressing well, particularly the "muggem" initiative.

Popular sports are, pretentiousness, drunk driving , pole-vaulting, homosexuality, French dressing and Mexican standoffs. The summer sport of setting fire to the mountainside is more popular with tourists than with locals, though all enjoy the cheerful spectacle of the flames and smoke.

Industries are growing the cash crops of wine and marijuana , making mousetraps, drug abuse, watching paint dry, crime and mugging tourists (not generally considered to be a crime). Cape Town holds the record as the site of the largest car park in Cape Town.

Since 2006, the town council of Cape Town has embraced an "Amishisation " policy, and has turned it's back on the use of electricity, declaring it a decadent bourgeous luxury. Electricity is slowly being phased out in a series of "power cuts", and it is to be replaced by the use of candles, paraffin lamps and fires for illumination and sing-alongs for entertainment.


Cape Town is the first place to boast an Invisible Bridge . However, the bridge is currently not in use as the city council refused to believe the claims of the construction company when they informed the council that they had developed a new building material which was stronger than steel but could not be seen by the human eye. The city council is said to have likened the bridge fiasco to "the Emporers New clothes".


Roads Memorial celebrates the fact that Cape Town is where roads were invented. This delightfully done by means of a momument which includes important tools to road-making such as lions, a man with a horse and some dude's head.

Bergies are Cape Town's world famous mountaineers who live on table mountain and often come down into the city to welcome foreigners with the traditional Capetonian greeting of "Jou maaaa se xxxx!"

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Thanks for the laugh. I needed something to cheer me up after realising that I will be in an office all day on this beautiful day while it is likely to rain all weekend when I don't have to be in the office.

Thanks for this interesting piece of info! Lived in Cape Town for 22 years and yet there are still things about the place I apparently don't know!

This is a great piece of satirical writing - thanks for posting it!

Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for taking the time to comment. It really motivates one to keep posting and it's especially great when in this case as it was a guest blogger.
Have a great weekend

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