Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A different school assembly (Video)
Every school that has ever had a uniform policy has had issues with the enforcement of such a policy. In an attempt to get buy-in from his pupils, a local Cape Town school teacher employed a very different approach to a morning assembly.
Warning : You are about to be thoroughly entertained for the next 20 mins! Make sure you see the two minute 'highlights package' at the end of part 2.
Warning : You are about to be thoroughly entertained for the next 20 mins! Make sure you see the two minute 'highlights package' at the end of part 2.
Labels: download video, humour, school assembly, sweet valley primary, uniform, youtube
Friday, June 19, 2009
Only interpretable in South Africa
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
First Celebrity to die of Swine Flu
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Twouble with Twitter - Video
Thursday, January 29, 2009
World's worst escape attempt (Video)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
SABC News Blooper
I couldn't help but watch this over and over again!
Labels: blooper, download video, humour, news, Nhlanhla Nene, sabc, zoopy
Dear Dr Ruth
Dear Dr. Ruth,
I am a crack dealer in Kempton Park, Gauteng. I was recently diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in Hillbrow and one of my sisters, who lives in Benoni, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother were recently arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Brakpan. I have two brothers; one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Leeukop Central Prison for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.
I recently got engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Yeoville. She is now a part time "working girl". All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.
Should I tell her that my cousin is Luke Watson ?
Signed Worried About My Reputation
I am a crack dealer in Kempton Park, Gauteng. I was recently diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in Hillbrow and one of my sisters, who lives in Benoni, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother were recently arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Brakpan. I have two brothers; one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Leeukop Central Prison for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.
I recently got engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Yeoville. She is now a part time "working girl". All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.
Should I tell her that my cousin is Luke Watson ?
Signed Worried About My Reputation
Labels: dr ruth, humour, luke watson
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Bank failures in Japan from Dawn
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK , uncertainty has now hit Japan .In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.
Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
When times are hard …..keep your sense of humor and laugh it off!!
Labels: banks, financial crisis, humour, japanese
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
'n Boer maak 'n plan
Hello, is this the South African Police?"
"Yes. What you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbour, Hendrik van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga inside his firewood."
"Eeeh-Yes...Thank you for your co-operation and information in combating crime and violence, in our society"
The next day, the SAP descends on Hendrik's house They search the braai lapa where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they chop open every piece of wood, but find no dagga. They shout and swear at Hendrik and leave.
The phone rings at Hendrik's house.
"Hey, Hendrik! Did the SAP come?"
"Ja!"
"Did they chop your firewood for the braai tonight?"
"...Ja...."
"Happy Birthday Boet!"
"Yes. What you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbour, Hendrik van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga inside his firewood."
"Eeeh-Yes...Thank you for your co-operation and information in combating crime and violence, in our society"
The next day, the SAP descends on Hendrik's house They search the braai lapa where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they chop open every piece of wood, but find no dagga. They shout and swear at Hendrik and leave.
The phone rings at Hendrik's house.
"Hey, Hendrik! Did the SAP come?"
"Ja!"
"Did they chop your firewood for the braai tonight?"
"...Ja...."
"Happy Birthday Boet!"
Monday, May 12, 2008
Albert Einstein or Marilyn Monroe?
Friday, May 9, 2008
Blonde Mortician
(I couldn't resist)A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and s ays, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
Friday, April 18, 2008
Darren Scott's Zimbabwe Embassy Prank Call
For those of you who missed this.
Enjoy
Enjoy
Labels: call, darren scott, east coast radio, humour, joke, prank, youtube, zimbabwe
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Does Management Know Who You Are?
On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, how much do you earn?" The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, but he replied, none the less, "I earn R2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed R6 000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 month's salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".
He then approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?" To which the reply was, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir!"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed R6 000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 month's salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".
He then approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?" To which the reply was, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir!"
Labels: humour, management
Friday, March 14, 2008
Hormone Hostage
(I publish this knowing my female readers have a great sense of humour)
THE HORMONE HOSTAGE KNOWS THAT THERE ARE DAYS IN THE MONTH WHEN ALL A MAN HAS TO DO IS OPEN HIS MOUTH & HE TAKES HIS LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS!
THIS IS A HANDY GUIDE THAT SHOULD BE AS COMMON AS A DRIVER'S LICENSE IN THE WALLET OF EVERY HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, COWORKER, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER!
13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
1. PASS MY SHOTGUN
2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING
3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE
4. PUFFY MIDSECTION
5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK
6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS
7. PARDON MY SOBBING
8. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE
9. PASS MY SWEATS
10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME
11. POOR MEN SUCK
12. PACK MY STUFF
13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT
THE HORMONE HOSTAGE KNOWS THAT THERE ARE DAYS IN THE MONTH WHEN ALL A MAN HAS TO DO IS OPEN HIS MOUTH & HE TAKES HIS LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS!
THIS IS A HANDY GUIDE THAT SHOULD BE AS COMMON AS A DRIVER'S LICENSE IN THE WALLET OF EVERY HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, COWORKER, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER!
| DANGEROUS: | SAFER: | SAFEST: | ULTRA SAFE: |
| WHAT'S FOR DINNER? | CAN I HELP YOU WITH DINNER? | WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR DINNER? | HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. |
| ARE YOU WEARING THAT? | WOW, YOU SURE LOOK GOOD IN BROWN! | WOW! LOOK AT YOU! | HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. |
| WHAT ARE YOU SO WORKED UP ABOUT? | COULD WE BE OVERREACTING? | HERE'S MY PAYCHECK. | HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. |
| SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT? | YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A | CAN I GET YOU A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE WITH THAT? | HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. |
| WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY? | I HOPE YOU DIDN'T OVERDO IT TODAY. | I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU IN THAT ROBE! | HERE, HAVE SOME MORE WINE. |
13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
1. PASS MY SHOTGUN
2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING
3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE
4. PUFFY MIDSECTION
5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK
6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS
7. PARDON MY SOBBING
8. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE
9. PASS MY SWEATS
10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME
11. POOR MEN SUCK
12. PACK MY STUFF
13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT
Labels: hormone hostage, humour
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Things that keep me awake at night ...
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on…….
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
- Stolen from an email from I received, but there is so much here I have pondered some time or another I had to share it with you.
Labels: eish, humour, pondering
About Me
-
eishman
I am just a normal Joe Shmo sharing my views, web travels, experiences and gems I have found with you all. Of course the focus is on the Motherland, South Africa, with a bit of bias towards Cape Town, from time to time.
Cape Town, Western Cape, ZA
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- Bought anything at the Ovi Store? (Video)
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- ANC takes urgent action on a Sunday
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